I’ve spent this weekend getting things packed up and starting to clean the house. It feels good to go through my things and purge what I don’t need. I’ve continued to play the game where I put shitty furniture on my lawn and watch people screech to a stop, pull over and pack it away in their trunks. One person on a bicycle even stopped and tried to balance my TV stand on their handlebars. Surprise, that didn’t work. 

But when it comes to purging things I don’t need… well I’ve realized there are a lot of things I gained in Beaumont that I don’t want to throw away.

Obviously there is Jeff. We are going to try the long distance thing. He says he wants to find a job in the Metroplex. I hope my moving away is enough motivation to help him finally buckle down and figure out what he wants to do for a living. I really really do. I used to tell people ‘I’m not interested in a long-distance relationship.’ But the idea of breaking up with him right now makes me so upset I can’t even think about doing it.

I’m also at a strange point in my Beaumont life where I actually started making friends outside of work. I can go to a few bars on the weekends and run into people who I know. It’s been weird telling them I’m moving. They don’t understand why I’m leaving or why I was looking for another job. I hate knowing that there is a .00001% chance of me ever seeing them again.

There’s a girl my age who lives in the apartment above my garage and she’s been having her hipster friends come over all day for a weed-beer-guitar-snack picnic. I ventured to the backyard to check out the party and chatted a but with the crew. While sitting on a blanket in the lawn, sipping my boxed wine from a solo cup and trying to explain how I know their friend, I realized this is it. Someone asked how old I was when I told them I wasn’t from here. ” Twentyyyyy…..” I couldn’t even remember if I was 23 or 24. How old am I?

It doesn’t matter anymore.

I need to get used to the idea that I deserve the good things that happen to me.

A) Third round tomorrow: I really hope this isn’t all for nothing. I want this so much.

B) New favorite quote: “Have a drink, because it’s not going to get any better.” 
— Brandi Glanville of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, high on Xanax in last night’s episode.

Here’s how I rang in the new year: Worked until about 9:45 p.m. Wore my sparkliest shirt and dragged my friend along with me to Jeff’s friends’ wedding reception. Partook in the open beer/wine bar and counted down to 2012. Moved the party to a local bar we tend to frequent and drank some more. Bar set out a breakfast buffet that blew my mind and was especially a good thing considering I hadn’t had time to eat dinner. And that was all really. A fun night, but nothing crazy. New year’s celebrations tend to be like that, seeing as how overhyped they can be.

Last year was ‘You’ll be surprised,’ but I can’t put my finger on what the theme for 2012 will be…. Remember how everyone was saying that 2010 was awful, and 2011 was supposed to be this big push for optimism and moving on? I think people are saying that again this time around. 2011 wasn’t as satisfying as we hoped, but surely 2012 will be. I think it will be better, but I wouldn’t say 2011 was awful. I will probably feel stuck in 2011 until I finally make my escape from this place, and that could be as soon as February, or as late as July.

So how about this?

2012: What’s next? 

About to head in to work early so we can hammer out this newspaper by 8 tonight. Then I’m waking up early in the morning to fly home on Christmas day. I’ll only be there until Tuesday night, so it’s kind of a stressful turn around… and I have certain matters to attend to while in Fort Worth (details coming soon?) that will take up most of my time. And depending on that outcome, there could be more stress around the corner, but a good kind of life-changing stress that I think I am ready to take on. 

Merry Christmas!